Walking through the transitions…

My social media feeds have been full of friends doing hard things for the past few weeks. One friend moved her 16-year-old into college and watched her drive down the road for the first time… in the same week. Another said goodbye to her adult son who is moving several states away. I saw a momma’s sweet post about her boy going to full day kindergarten. Oh, sister. None of this is easy.

There is no training for the events that upend us. Although they are all part of the timeless march forward, each of us face these transitions as though we were the first, the only to walk this path. 

Take courage my friend. This is not the end. I think that was my biggest fear as I’ve watched my three move ever out into the wider world. In each transition, I feared that we would lose something valuable that could not be recovered. 

And yet, we didn’t really. It’s true that these milestones were thresholds that moved us from one way of being to another. And it’s true that we cannot go back, to the pudgy baby, or the sweet 4-year-old, or the teenager upstairs. Instead, we find our way forward, to love and life and family in new shapes and ways of being. 

• Talk about it: I often forget that the best way to deal with transitions is to simply talk about it. Reach out to a trusted friend. Talking about our feelings allows us to hear what we are thinking and feeling. This is often enough to allow us to address our own needs, so that we can move toward intentional interactions with them. 

• Trust the love you have shared:I don’t know a mom who hasn’t been afraid she would somehow lose her children to adulthood. We fear that the love and care of their early lives might not hold up to the process of growing up. I believe our children want to find ways to remain connected, even as they move into their own lives. The trick I think is to allow these relationships to shift and change with time. 

• Take care of yourself:Their milestone is beautiful and special. These are Instagram moments! And yet their milestone, often has an entirely different effect in our life. It reminds us of the shortness of life, of the passing of time, and it can be hard to hold these two often conflicting realities together. Give yourself permission to feel, to take a run, to eat ice cream out of the carton, or to binge watch all 10 seasons of Friends. 

• Be intentional:  Finding ways to stay connected will look different to everyone. One friend offered McDonald’s dates, text message reminders of her love, and dropped off milkshakes. Another gathers her family for dinner weekly. Each family, each individual relationship needs its own attention. The goal is to create connections that are respectful and true.

• Fill in the gaps:Each milestone in our children’s lives, leaves a bit of space in ours. From delivery on, their transitions change the pace and fullness of our days. Whether it’s kindergarten, college, or a move across the country. Their movement out, leaves us with a bit of slack. Use this time to cultivate your own things, like friendships, creativity, or health. 

I have it on good authority that children often return. They circle back, check in, and gather strength for their next big adventure. There is an ebb and flow to this parenting thing, that continues long after the next big step. So, lean in to that goodbye, give it your very best, and then dig into the new space left by this change. Soon enough, they will be back and you’ll be able to invite them into the next phase of your life too.