Intentional Relationships
Prioritizing positive relationships. Cultivating relationships that builld over time. Emotional health and good boundaries, payting attention to the most important part of life.
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What friendship costs…
I want to be that kind of friend. On the dark days, in the middle of the storms of life, I want to be someone who can be trusted to show up and speak truth. I want to trust the love of my people enough to make myself vulnerable… if it will help. I want to be someone who can be trusted in the dark alleys of the soul.
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Let’s love ‘em…
So, I did what any self-respecting mother would do, I got louder. I added guilt. I mixed in some of my own experience, my own shame. I tried everything I could think of to retain (regain??) a semblance of influence. Maybe you have too.
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On advice…
For years, they all looked to me for this particular set of skills. From homework, to their social lives, college and career goals, and beyond, I was the one they relied on to come up with solutions. Now, as they moved out into the world, I continued to feel responsible for this work in their lives. It was exhausting. I didn’t really like it, but I thought it was my job.
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Trusting their fear…
This principle can be a life saver during the “in-between” years of young adulthood. When our children head out in to the wider world, it’s easy for us to see all the dangers and pitfalls around them. We caution, we lecture, we scold, and we wear ourselves out. Often to no avail. It seems that they no longer listen to what we have to say.
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Our vows, now…
We have faced many kinds of better and worse over the course of our long marriage. We learned to fight for understanding, and for one another. We don’t always agree. We have very different ways of seeing the world, but we’ve learned that being together has made our best days better, and our worse days much less daunting.
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Homecoming…
I think that love is more like this than the movies say. It’s jet lag and hospital waiting rooms. It’s Mom showing up each week, even when grandma doesn’t know her. It’s loading tables and clearing out the debris of life. It’s a homemade urn. It’s inside jokes, old stories, and long chuckles. I think love looks like a life lived together.
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The Strong Ones…
this space has become a place where we can be both. There are places in my life that require me to be strong. There are a few places that allow me to be weak. There are very few that support me when I’m both. Around this table, we have created a space for both.
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Parenting adults… a parallel journey
Our experiences were on a parallel track, and while I could appreciate the beauty of her journey, I also found that I needed to feel the grief and loss of change in mine.
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Making new friends…
In this season of my life, I am realizing that new friendships are harder to come by. As my life has shifted and reshaped itself over time, there are fewer hours to find for new faces. Where once, we could spend long afternoons getting to know one another over slow cups of coffee, now we must fit it in between the blocks of our already overscheduled lives.
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Looking ahead…
I’ve been watching her move forward this year, as though I am cramming for a test. As I look ahead, I am aware that my path might look different, but if I am lucky, and live long enough, I too will face these kinds of life changes.
