What do you see?

What do you see?

I get lost. I get lost a lot! To Brian’s continual frustration, road trips for the football team often resulted in at least a couple moments of disorientation. I get lost in my own town, in the next town over, and it gets really hairy when I leave my familiar roaming grounds. When we travelled across the country one summer, he was terrified that I would get lost and he’d never see his father again. To help assure him that I could manage the trek, I printed out a state by state map colored in highlighter orange so he could help me keep track of our travels. On a day trip to the mall with my grandmother, I found myself lost in Western Mass. I am not sure it reassured her to hear me declare, “Yes, we’re lost, but don’t worry! I’ve been lost here before and it turned out okay.” Continue reading “What do you see?”

Holding our own…

Holding our own…

Weeks ago, when I decided to quit my job and follow my intuition (and a still small voice) into the unknown, I imagined that I would awake after my last day of work relieved and refreshed. Instead, I woke up feeling groggy and disoriented with 36 hours to plan and prepare for a bridal shower, three weeks to get a wedding under control, and two kids moving in and out of my house. When the phone rang, I had not yet seen the bottom of my first cup of coffee. Continue reading “Holding our own…”

Recreation…

Recreation…

In my mind, vacations should be more than diversions. My goal is to use time away from my ordinary life, to restore and reconnect with my best self. Our recent vacation did that beautifully. I left my job, my home, my responsibilities and entered into an alternate reality. A tropical setting, both familiar and unknown, people who have known me all of my days, and a good mix of excitement and boredom combined in a powerful way to reconnect me to myself. Continue reading “Recreation…”

How are you? Really….

How are you? Really….

I can run through days upon days exchanging small talk, without really making a connection. How are you? I’m good, and you? Every once in a while, someone I don’t expect stops and really considers the question. Maybe they aren’t working out their answer as much as weighing heart of the asker. Do I really want to know? Do I care? Continue reading “How are you? Really….”

A good funeral…

A good funeral…

The other day we gathered to say goodbye. The crisp March day blustered and weak sunshine peaked from behind puffy clouds. The church walkway was cluttered with mostly older folks. He was in his early seventies, a faithful servant, a husband, a father, a grandfather. We sang anthems of faith, about victory, about hope, about overcoming adversity and pain. We sang about Jesus. We listened to his daughters tell stories of his life, his mischief, his passion for others, and his joy. I sat with friends, tears streaming down my cheeks as we said goodbye to someone I didn’t really know. Continue reading “A good funeral…”

The unfolding…

The unfolding…

Sometimes life’s pressures push and pull at me until my soul is scrunched up in a tight fist. Often this happens slowly over time, my soul reacting to first one thing, then another, then another. I think I am doing fine, until it is quite evident that I am not. Last week this recognition came suddenly as I spoke about a difficult topic. I hate it when I realize that I am struggling at the exact same time a room full of friends do. Continue reading “The unfolding…”

Soul-care…

Soul-care…

Over the weekend, I attended a retreat lead  by writer and mentor Alicia Britt Cole. The topic was soul-care. She poured out words like water, with the depth of a scholar and the touch of a poet. Her words fell like cool water on a parched day and alternately like a roaring flood pushing over things to reveal what lay beneath. By mid-afternoon, when she warned us to prepare for a difficult topic, a collective groan came from the gathered. We already felt flayed and raw from her searching and revealing words. Now, it was going to get difficult?! Continue reading “Soul-care…”

Under the mask…

Under the mask…

We all wear them. We move through life alternately putting on and taking off masks throughout the day. Who are we going to be in this moment? What does this occasion demand? Where is the gap between what I feel on the inside and what is needed on the outside? I don’t really think it’s a bad idea to have a few masks to cover the rough and tumble of everyday life. The truth is I need to tuck away a few things in order to get through my day, and you probably do to. Continue reading “Under the mask…”