Just the two of us…
Keith and I are beginning to make a shift. Until now, our lives have been focused on our children, having them, raising them, and launching them. Now, it seems, there is space to reorient our lives in a new way. We are still very involved. We’re not giving up on our growing family, instead, we are realigning ourselves to a new reality. THEY are no longer our responsibility, WE are.
We expected this shift to come as they walked across the stage as they graduated, from high school or college. When they moved out, or into their first jobs. Instead, there has been a circular moving in and out of the center of our lives. Sometimes, we don’t hear from them for a long while. Things are good then. When their lives are humming along like they want, they are more loosely connected. When things are more fragile, we find them circling round.
We’ve come home to movie marathons and empty ice cream containers, awoken to find someone shopping out of my refrigerator, and invited them back with open arms whenever they needed a soft space to land. They wander in when they are bored. They call or show up when they need to talk things out. They are welcome and welcomed home.
Some were in the last few months, we crossed a line. It feels like they are all standing up. We expect that there will be wobbly days ahead, and yet it feels like they have all made a transition.
In the wake of this, Keith and I are taking a bit of a breather. Looking around at the space in our lives and thinking about what we want moving forward. Now seems like a good time to reassess and reimagine what we want to fill our lives.
We are going on vacation- Keith’s brother and sister in law have been travelling for the past year. They’ve been to New Orleans, San Antonio, and Disney (both World & Land). We are going to catch up! We’re headed to Texas in February. It will be our first solo vacation outside of New England. Ever. I think we need to get our passports in order.
It is time to discover ourselves as a couple. We really haven’t been a couple alone. Allie was eight months old when we married, so we’ve been a family for all of our time together. We are ready to spend some time as a couple. San Antonio, and Austin seem like a good start. We’ll be celebrating thirty years together this year and this seems like the right place to start.
We are cultivating new routines- We are figuring out what we like for dinner, what the morning routine looks like, and how to prepare for the week. We grocery shop together. Keith starts dinner, and I usually finish it. He brings the laundry down and I listen for the chime to move it and fold. The simple rhythms of our lives have taken new turns.
These simple practices of life as a couple have brought a new sweetness to our marriage. In the kid days, we simply survived them. Divide and conquer was our favorite technique. Now, we have time and space to linger over the details of our lives. There is something lovely about just hanging out together, doing chores, or watching TV. In the quiet after the storm, there is rest and peace.
We are reassessing the place and pace of work- Neither of us want work to consume our lives and all of our energy. The adjustments I’ve made over the past couple of years has certainly helped. Now, we are focused on finding a more balanced approach to work responsibilities. We are not infinite, neither is our energy and attention. It is time that we begin to live within this reality.
We are both thinking about the other things we want to do. Keith is spending time in his workshop and learning new skills. I am dreaming of some new opportunities as well. Now, it seems that there might be opportunity and space to grow some new things, to dream some new dreams.
We sneak away for dinner and are planning a trip to the ocean over the weekend. We’ve made a commitment to keeping the calendar bare for the next couple months and prioritize alone time. We are simply making room for us to be the center of our lives for a bit. It feels a bit selfish and maybe a little weird, but we are committed to rebuilding our lives from the inside out. For us, that starts with just spending time together.
What does this look like at your house?
