Hello 2020…

I said goodbye to 2018 with fervor. It had been a grueling year and I longed for reprieve and a return to “normalcy.”  I welcomed 2019 with great joy, even though we knew that the months ahead would include new challenges. I thought the worst had to be behind us. In many ways it was, and yet 2019 brought new difficulties. Some we were prepared for, others we were not. 

When I look back at 2018, I think it was just a very bad year… and yet, it also brought great joy. We welcomed a new daughter-in-law to our family and celebrated the wonder of young love. Our grandson brought such delight to even the darkest days. The family gathered and shared the big moments and mundane happenings. None of these things are to be taken lightly.

My walk through 2019 brought this into focus in a new way. I think we ought not wish away days, weeks, months, or years. They are too precious. Maybe, life has always been like this, but I just didn’t have eyes to see it. Maybe life has always been this difficult mix of beauty and loss, sorrow and hope, life and grief. We say our sad farewells and welcome new life in close proximity. Our grief is tinged with joy, and our delight is marred by loss. 

I am walking into 2020 without any expectations. I don’t think it will be the BEST YEAR EVER! Neither am I demanding it restore balance to the (force) universe. I think the next 12 months will come as they do, one right after the other. It will be up to me to walk through these days with my eyes open to the wonder and beauty, and my heart tender to the difficulties of life. Life is simply unfolding as we walk. 

Today, I am grateful for so much. I am also struggling with new challenges, real fears, and significant grief. My life is a ridiculous scandal of grace. It is also hard, nearly every day. I know I’m not alone in this. Life in this world is not what it should be. There is too much loss and pain and grief. And life in this world is beautiful beyond measure. The roundness of a young mom’s belly. A baby’s laughter. A toddler’s wonder. The snow hanging heavy on the pine branch outside my door. I’m speechless in the face of such beauty.

So, as we begin a new calendar year, I bid you peace. May you squeeze all the beauty and wonder your heart can hold from this new year. The next twelve months will hold both joy and heartbreak, love and loss. I pray we might be awake for all of it.