Living with limits…
I’ve lived my whole life as though I am a 2-year-old. I wake every morning with boundless energy, and rush through my day expending every ounce of it, until I fall into bed at the end of the day. I then wake up and do it again. Until now.
I’ve been to the doctor, they have run all the tests, and there seems to be no reason for this new reality. My cup just doesn’t fill like it used to. In fact, my (30-something year old) nurse suggested that at my age, the abnormality was that I still had that kind of energy. I was not amused.
Over the past few months I’ve alternately railed against this new reality and practically denied it. I’ve allowed fear to overwhelm my heart, swerving wildly between the idea that maybe there is something really wrong or maybe this is just my new normal. I don’t like either option.
I have moved through all the emotions… ALL OF THE EMOTIONS.
I am settling into the fact that, at least for now, this is it. I don’t have to like it, but I do have to deal with it.
None of us live free of limitations. There are limits on our time due to family obligations. We experience financial limits. There are limits due to health challenges. All of us face limits in our daily lives.
It seems we have options:
Fight against our limits: For some of us, this is a default setting. When confronted with a line, we lose sight of all else. We simply need to push that line away. Over it, under it, around it, or through it… we wear ourselves out over this boundary. It might not get us anywhere, but at least we aren’t going down without a fight.
Ignore our limits: Sometimes, instead of fighting our limits, we simply ignore them. We continue to live in ways that leave us exhausted and depleted. When we refuse to listen to our limits, we end up empty. It doesn’t matter what kind of limit we’re ignoring, financial, emotional, or physical the result is the same. Although this is a familiar way of being, we now know it is not the only option.
Bloom where we’re planted: For others, it seems, there is an ability to adjust to this new reality and focus their energy on making the most of what is possible. These folks make peace with boundary lines and then move on to filling up their lives with good things. They are intentional and appreciative of what is possible and make the most of the time they have.
In different seasons of my life, I have tried all of these options. I have worn myself out over boundaries that would not budge. I have stubbornly skated by the lines I would rather not acknowledge. I have also occasionally acknowledged the edge of what is possible and made peace with it, using my energy to build beauty and purpose between the boundary lines I didn’t place.
In this season, I am working my way toward peace with these new boundaries. It’s not been a Sunday school lesson, but more like a street fight. I will get there. Sometimes it just takes a while.
The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places;
surely I have a delightful inheritance. – Psalm 16:6
