Fancy friends…

Fancy friends…

This past weekend, we joined a small group of friends and family to celebrate a new beginning. My friend’s handsome son walked her down the aisle to a man whose love for her was evident across the room. From the 33rd floor of a beautiful building in downtown Boston, we enjoyed stunning views. We could see the city splayed out before us as the light gave way to evening. We watched the trees light up below. We danced like no one was watching. We toasted to new beginnings and true love. We laughed in the face of their joy. It was a night I won’t soon forget. Continue reading “Fancy friends…”

Light in the darkness…

Light in the darkness…

In my family, we are counting down the days until the end of 2018. By any account, it has been a grueling year. We’ve said heart breaking goodbyes, faced life shattering diagnoses, and found that there is still time for another curve ball to be thrown. As the hits have kept coming, we’ve lived through two new cancer diagnosis in the last month… We just keep moving forward. We simply don’t know what else to do. Continue reading “Light in the darkness…”

Six month follow up…

Six month follow up…

I laid there with my arms over my head, an IV dripping into a vein in the crook of my arm. My knees were bent with a foam wedge under them. As my body moved in and out of the round tube, my body rushed with the chemicals they pumped into my arm. A plastic voice ordered, “take a big breath and hold it.” And then later, “breathe.” While magnets whirred around my body, I could feel the anxiety rising, threatening to close off my airway. Tears gathered in the corners of my eyes. A few minutes later, the Tech said, “are you okay?” I nodded yes, of course. I’m fine. But I thought, I don’t know. That’s why I am here. Continue reading “Six month follow up…”

An act of defiance…

An act of defiance…

It seems as though the world has become harsher, all sharp corners and ragged edges. The news seems to be all bad these days with more violence, and more hatred than one heart can handle. In the face of all this, it feels like the only option is to withdraw. For me, this reality has left me feeling isolated and afraid to reach out. From this place, it is easier to hold my tongue and keep the peace. And yet this withdrawal has pushed us away from each other, into groups of people who agree with us. Continue reading “An act of defiance…”

Church with littles…

Church with littles…

I sat in the third row on the right. The ancient pews created a wooden box around my three babies. I positioned myself at the open end. At least they were contained. On the other side of the divider, an older couple smiled indulgently. Behind us, my friend Allison performed similar maneuvers to manage the chaos of her three boys. Occasionally the sounds of army men fighting, “pew, pew, pew” floated over the wooden back that separated us. Baby Stephanie, crawled over the stained maroon cushion looking for a smiling face and open arms. Allie, sucked her thumb with one hand and rubbed her ear with another.  It was 10:30a on Sunday morning and I was exhausted. Continue reading “Church with littles…”

The good stuff…

The good stuff…

He called in the middle of the week. Did we want to meet them for ice cream? Of course! There was something in his voice, something in the air. Keith and I smiled about the possibilities as we drove to meet them on a thick July evening. We ordered our favorites and headed over to the picnic table. As we spooned cold sweetness into our mouths. They shared their news. There is a baby on the way. My heart swelled. Their eyes looked huge. Fear tugged at the edges of their faces, but love and hope filled them up.    Continue reading “The good stuff…”

Workday…

Workday…

They gathered, a bit blurry-eyed. It was early for a Saturday morning. Brian was the first to arrive, he is always first. Allie showed up next. Steph and Tyler brought a friend, and Teddy stayed with Auntie Kim. In the early morning gloom, they ate donuts, swigged the coffee and hot chocolate they brought with them. They were here to help their dad regrade the long winding driveway. Ten yards of gravel had been delivered and the bright yellow tractor was on hand for the weekend. They were here to work. Continue reading “Workday…”

A new rhythm…

A new rhythm…

One of the unintended consequences of my recent trauma has been a profound sense of disconnection from my life. I’m certain there are lots of reasons for this. Life literally stopped for a couple months, weakness and pain kept me close to home, and dealing with the emotional, physical, and spiritual aftermath has been no joke. I have been so grateful for the space, the time, and the grace to move through my own process of healing. I’ve found the silence healing. I’ve spent time reading. I’ve snuggled close to my husband and children. It feels as though I’ve let go, somehow, and just life move on without me. Continue reading “A new rhythm…”

Play time…

Play time…

Monday morning, before the sun was high in the sky, Teddy and I were at the playground. I forgot that the plastic play structure would still be covered in dew. He was so excited, it didn’t even matter. He climbed, steered, stomped, and slid for over an hour. His little muscles worked, his brain made connections, and I got to bear witness to the miracle of a growing toddler. By the time we returned to the car, he was dirty and soaking wet. My work here was done. Continue reading “Play time…”