Making new friends…
My sister has friendships she has nurtured since she was thirteen years old. This delightful group of humans have celebrated, laughed, lived, and grieved together for almost thirty-five years. Kristi found her people young and then made decisions that prioritized friendship and has made it last for decades. I’ve always been a little jealous. Recently, I was at lunch with one of my oldest friends, when I realized we have been tangled up in each other’s lives for half of mine. I guess, I am catching up.
These long-time friendships are precious and rare, and I am humbled to have a few that are counted in decades rather than years. These friends, make it easy. They know my stories. They were there for most of them. Within these friendships, the long arch of my life has been interwoven in their stories, their families, and their memories. There is a shorthand to these friendships that have stood the test of time. The big questions of friendship have been answered. We will make each other a priority. We will hold each other’s hearts well. We will accept one another as we are.
In this season of my life, I am realizing that new friendships are harder to come by. As my life has shifted and reshaped itself over time, there are fewer hours to find for new faces. Where once, we could spend long afternoons getting to know one another over slow cups of coffee, now we must fit it in between the blocks of our already overscheduled lives. It is a daunting challenge, but I don’t think it is what stops me.
For many of the past few years, I have been too overwhelmed to see beyond my own chaos, and too fragile to risk inviting the unknown into the worn and weary places in my life. I resisted reaching out for fear of rejection. I circled up the familiar faces in my life and hunkered down.
I think there is a time for this. When the winds of change and doubt threaten to overwhelm, it can feel impossible to open the circle to invite someone in. There are simply times when we need to allow ourselves room to rest and heal.
I also think that there are times that benefit from the possibilities of new friendships. There is something refreshing in the possibilities of a fresh perspective. Especially, later in life. College freshman, kindergarteners, and new moms seem primed for new relationships as their lives shift in dramatic ways. In other, less turbulent waters, inertia seems to get the best of us.
It takes courage to open the door to friendship. It is a tender thing to reach out, to initiate a conversation, or to ask for time and attention. I don’t think friendships at this stage of life, or maybe any stage, happen by accident. We must reach out, build a connection, and then protect it from the winds of life. I think it is usually easier not to.
We live in an age of complete connection, and yet I believe we are lonelier than ever before. As our lives move at a
So, when you look around the circles of your life today, are there any newer faces in the group? I wonder how inviting someone new into your life might encourage and support you in new ways. There is something precious in inviting someone new into your life to help you see yourself differently. A new friend won’t see the long curve of your whole life, but who you are right here today. That is both scary and exciting! I hope you will look around your life today and consider where a potential friend might be hiding in plain sight.
