Respecting the edge…

I am most often found dangling from the screaming edge. I pack too many things into my days, take on too much responsibility, and have a difficult time saying no. This often leaves me with too much need and not enough me. Last night as we crawled into bed, I listed off the things waiting for us on Saturday. As I reached the end of the list, Keith groaned. I felt it too.
We are in a weird place, picking up our regular lives after a couple of months of clarifying fear and complete chaos. We are finding “life as usual” doesn’t quite fit. Like last year’s jeans, they are a bit baggy in places, worn, and faded… maybe a bit too small. But, they are there and they are familiar so we put them on and head out the door. Our lives feel a bit unwieldy… unfamiliar and not quite right.
This morning, the fear and anxiety began to overwhelm. I’m learning two new jobs. There are new projects and new ideas all around, but it all takes time and attention. We are planning yet another large family gathering. Winter is coming. And, for the past few months, we’ve mostly been out of commission. The enough—o-meter was in the red again for me.
We met in the kitchen after planning and working all morning and recreated the plan. Let’s have lunch. Let’s catch up. Let’s figure out what really matters today. Let’s give ourselves some grace to not try and do it all. So we did. We went to lunch to talk about the pressures all around. We looked into each other’s eyes and tended our hearts. We made some plans. We prioritized. We decided not to fall off the screaming edge.
All of that means that some things didn’t get done. I need to say no to some things in order to maintain some sanity this week. He needs to monitor his thought life. Together, we need to carve out some quiet rest and decide what is important. Today, we decided to respect the edge, and although we’re still in sight of it, we are no longer dangling. We are simply recognizing it, and respecting its boundary. It’s a start.
 I hope you are enjoying this exploration of simple things that make life special. This is part of the Write 31 Days challenge. Click here to follow along