Good enough…
I earned my master’s degree at 43. My children were 23, 21, and 19. There was not a more difficult time in my life as a mother. No one should have to take developmental psychology when their children have already grown. I sat with a textbook detailing all of the ways I had failed to meet my children’s developmental needs from infancy through young adulthood. I recognized a multitude of areas I had fallen short, identified issues I should have addressed, and found too many areas I could have not worried about, but did anyway. If only I had known.
One bright light in that semester of doom was my professor’s philosophy of parenting. She promised that parents did not need to be perfect, but just “good enough.” As I groaned through chapter after chapter highlighting my lack as a parent, she reminded me that kids just need a “good enough” mom.
When challenged, she said “good enough” was just that, good enough. Her theory, which she backed up with research, said that kids needed just enough. Parents who looked out for them, tended to their needs, and provided guidance and love. They didn’t need us to get it all right… Every day… For twenty to thirty years. Thank God!
Recently, I’ve been thinking about this concept of “good enough” in other areas of my life. As a recovering perfectionist (I think I’m in remission), this is not a concept I have spent much time with. Anything worth doing, is worth doing perfectly. What would it look like to approach my life with a goal of “good enough?”
Good enough Christmas
Good enough wife
Good enough gathering
Good enough worker
Good enough friend
Good enough diet
Good enough writer
Mostly, I veer toward a “go big or go home” philosophy in life. I either take it all on and do it completely, and “perfectly” or I pass. I have never been one to do things, just a little.
The more I think about it though, the more I wonder if this might help me as I prioritize my life. Maybe I don’t need to strive for perfection in every area of my life. Maybe there are a couple areas I want to put most of my energy, and other areas where it would be okay to be just good enough.
I think often, it has been this feeling that I must do everything equally well that stops me from doing new things. Maybe I could just plan a good enough gathering and focus my attention on writing this week. Maybe, I could produce good enough work and let myself go home on time. Maybe I could just have a good enough diet and not beat myself up over yesterday’s donut. The ways this concept could be applied are endless and provocative. What might a good enough life look like?
As you move toward the end of the year, Christmas activities, and family responsibilities, I wish you good enough, because that is all that is probably needed.
