Last night we spent the evening with our newly engaged daughter and her fiancé. What fun! We met over dinner and shared some laughs, as we schemed and planned for their big day. I love watching them together. They are careful with each other. They listen well. They are just too adorable.
Pulling together a wedding in just a few months is no small feat. In the past two weeks we’ve tried to listen well to their hopes, and help them articulate their dream. It hasn’t been easy. There is stress associated with the pieces, the money, and the process. But we are figuring it out. My priority is building our relationships, and helping them stay focused on the marriage, not just the big day.
When I helped plan weddings years ago, I found that brides rarely created a day that expressed the uniqueness of the couple. Instead, they focused on having the “right” wedding rather than the right wedding for them. My own wedding was like that, there seemed to be a formula. Plug in the colors, the venue, the people and shake it all up for the perfect day. I had never even been to a wedding as an adult and had no real perspective, so I simply filled in the blanks and moved toward our day.
Over the years, I learned that there could be so much variation and that each wedding could have its own personality. Some of my favorite weddings included an outdoor blues wedding under the tents on a perfectly drizzly day. The bride and groom hired their favorite band to play and served bbq from the grill. My sister’s fairytale wedding is one of my favorites. My friend’s farm wedding filled a field with scores of people and served potluck picnic style to all of their friends. I think my favorite wedding was when a group of friends offered to plan a lovely day for a bride and groom who felt completely overwhelmed by the process. They married in our home and we surrounded them with love and care.
We hope our kids find a way to break out of the box and create a day that is meaningful and beautiful but also expresses their own unique personality and perspective. I hope for quirky and charming for our soon to be bride and groom.